The Power Listening is Having on My Life
By Muchukunda Dasa
Listening to others in a new way has given me a new perspective on life. Until now my conversations have been all about being understood. It’s refreshing to shift the focus to understanding others.
Really connecting with another is why sex is so enjoyable. Listening attentively to another person in wholesome conversations creates a similar experience of connectedness.
Oxytocin flows through us and there’s a sense of love, trust and having each other’s backs. Listening is an access to true connection, brotherhood, intimacy, leadership, contribution and even getting what you want. As a great salesman named Alfred Ford said, “First seek to understand, then to be understood”. This isn’t just good business advice. It’s literally a new paradigm for living in the world and could prevent a lot of problems including the unspoken but very real problem of loneliness, anxiety and depression.
I’ve always thought speaking well was the mark of a wise man.
I thought knowing stuff made you loveable, popular, and interesting.
Yes, I’m interested in these things. I cringe to admit that but I’m a human being and humans are wired to be admired. Apparently, men are specially wired this way.
I assert though that men who are not comfortable in their masculinity primarily operate from these concerns and use talking to compensate for their ignorance of what it really means to be a man in community. This is my experience. It seems that a part of learning any skill - even the skill of being a member of community is the part where you suck and pretend you don’t. Then you get to the part where you realize there is no not sucking - that even a master is always a student.
The more I know, the more I realize I know nothing.
Socrates
What I’m discovering is that being a student is the way. Part of being a student is being a guest.
When I was in school, I would visit friends and find myself being a completely different person to the boy I was at home. At home I would shun chores. At friends’ houses I would be on my best behavior and find myself doing dishes with enthusiasm. The way of being called guest makes me 10 times greater as a human being.
The opposite to being a guest is being an asshole. The opposite to being a student is being a wanker. Assholes are dirty and smell bad. Wankers are lonely. Note to self: Don’t be a smelly loner. Be a curiously engaged guest of God’s creation.
Since moving cities, I have met so many people and have brain stormed ideas for collaboration and noticed they went out of communication “How come they went out of communication? We saw so much possibility together!” I thought.
What I see was missing was humility and respect - the willingness to listen, be contributed to, to be a servant for the sake of service, to value and respect others as I value and respect myself.
The most essential verse in Lord Chaitanyas teachings goes:
One who thinks himself lower than the grass, who is more tolerant than a tree, and who does not expect personal honor but is always prepared to give all respect to others can very easily always chant the holy name of the Lord.
What about people who speak nonsense?
Lord Chaitanya Listened to Sarvabhauma for 7 days while he spoke mayavad philosophy. Lord Chaitanya waited patiently while he spoke his 7-day piece. Chaitanya deva knew Sarvabhauma was too proud to listen, so He took it upon Himself to listen until he was complete and curious to hear from Him. Sarvabhauma became so curious to know what Chaitanya thought that he begged to know His mind. Only then did Chaitanya speak and after speaking to him Sarvabhauma converted to Vaishnavaism. Listening and getting another person who is either angry or misinformed like a racist for example creates a space in which you can co create something new with them. Listen to this example if you’re interested.
As I take on really being with others, I am experiencing all the benefits I wanted when I thought speaking was the way - connectedness, contribution, sharing and being gotten. And I’m seeing that my dislike for certain types of people came from an unwillingness to listen to them as people. I look forward to seeing the people I selfishly avoided and listening to them in a new way.
Please share your thoughts.
Haribol!
Music
Mantra Meditation for spiritual protection.
I love this recording of HH Indradyumna Swami singing the Narasimha Prayers.
Lyrics:
namas te narasimhaya
prahladahlada-dayine
hiranyakashipor vakshah
shila-tanka-nakhalaye
ito nshimhah parato nrisimho
yato yato yami tato nrisimhah
bahir nrisimho hridaye nrisimho
nrisimham adim sharanam prapadye
(Prayer to Lord Nrisimha)
tava kara-kamala-vare nakham adbhuta-sringham
dalita-hiranyakashipu-tanu-bhringam
keshava dhrita-narahari-rupa jaya jagadisha hare
I offer my obeisances to Lord Nrisimha-deva, who is always giving bliss to His devotees like Prahlada Maharaja and chiselling at the hearts of demons like Hiranyakashipu. The devotee always sees Lord Nrisimha everywhere. Lord Nrisimha is within and without. Therefore let us all take shelter of Lord Nrisimha.
(Prayer to Lord Nrisimha)
O my Lord Nrisimha, Your hands are very beautiful like the lotus flower, but with Your long nails You have ripped apart the wasp Hiranyakashipu. Unto You, Lord of the universe, I offer my humble obeisances.
www.salagram.net/narasimha-mantras2.html
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