Officially Solo.

About Divorce

Divorce really strengthened me as a man. Dependency on someone other than God is toxic. It severs you in half and sticks you to another person with the glue of your own insecurity. Separation was the detox and the surgery I needed to become healthy and whole. The apparent adversity was a true blessing. I was forced to journey inward. The people I met and bonded closely with on that journey were myself, God and my friends. 

Here's what I mean by that:

In moari there is a karakia that says first bind with whats up, then bind with whats down, then whats within and then without. I take that to mean we should connect with God, ourselves, the place we live and then the people around us. My journey with divorce was healing due to these kinds of connections.

God:

I met and bonded with God by turning towards Him just a little bit. By associating with His people and continuing my practice and eating blessed food I was able to gain a sense of "I am OK"

Place:

I bonded with my place at first by choosing to stay in Wellington despite her living there to which meant seeing her all the time. That was healthy because I was staying where my supports where and not running away to somewhere I had none. Then when I was sufficiently stable emotionally I moved to Auckland on my bike which symbolized freedom, adventure and new beginnings. One of my closest friends also happened to move here at the exact same time so that really helped. Finding myself in a new city allowed me to hit refresh on my life.

Self:

I met and bonded with myself by choosing to surround myself with loving people and receive their kindness. That also created in me a sense that I am lovable and have value. 

Others:

I met and bonded with others by listening to those kind people and consciously choosing to hold them as my best friends. I have 3 close friends who I have known for over 10 years and I consider myself fortunate based on those relationships.

Signing the papers:

I rode to Manakau court, went through the security bit, found my way to the inquiries bit, and waited in line. I was greeted by a friendly Maori lady and sat down saying I need some papers signed. She asked "what kind?" I replied saying "the unfortunate divorce papers" Covering a slight gulp she acted like it was all business as usual. A black faux leather covered Bible sat among some stationary and a pen on a long ball chain pile that laid waiting for me to sign off the last chapter that would have her as a main character.

After completing the scribbles that carried the necessary legal weight to change my marital status I paid some money to a different lady and walked out thanking the lady who with a simple rubber stamp and ink helped me put the past into the past. The automatic sliding doors open for me to walk outside, get on my bike, and ride into a future completely up for creation.