Very interesting. I started Krishna Consciousness in 2011. These last years I started to question authenticity in my feelings in my service and with my relationship with people and devotees.
Because I started to see in me some incoherent feelings. For exemple in harinam while everyone was in pure joy I always felt a little bit aside, so I was faking the big joy to be accepted. Or to always feel super exited in Kirtan. And I saw that actually I was faking excitement most of the time. Or also in relationships doing too much so everyone love me especially devotees.
I love and Harinam, and devotees. But now I feel more sober and want to go deeper in Krishna Consciousness and understanding of it. I understood it’s not a shame to feel no pure joy or excitement in service for Krishna. Ad to just have normal feelings in our service is good also.
So last year I decided to start to follow this idea of being true to myself. I saw that actually it changed nothing in my relationship with devotees and people in general. They just worried at first that I was never happy or ok in different services. But after they started to be used to it, because it never change my engagements in my services. And I felt way more myself and satisfied.
Very interesting. I started Krishna Consciousness in 2011. These last years I started to question authenticity in my feelings in my service and with my relationship with people and devotees.
Because I started to see in me some incoherent feelings. For exemple in harinam while everyone was in pure joy I always felt a little bit aside, so I was faking the big joy to be accepted. Or to always feel super exited in Kirtan. And I saw that actually I was faking excitement most of the time. Or also in relationships doing too much so everyone love me especially devotees.
I love and Harinam, and devotees. But now I feel more sober and want to go deeper in Krishna Consciousness and understanding of it. I understood it’s not a shame to feel no pure joy or excitement in service for Krishna. Ad to just have normal feelings in our service is good also.
So last year I decided to start to follow this idea of being true to myself. I saw that actually it changed nothing in my relationship with devotees and people in general. They just worried at first that I was never happy or ok in different services. But after they started to be used to it, because it never change my engagements in my services. And I felt way more myself and satisfied.